( 300+)Co-parenting boundaries are critical for both parents and children following divorce. Without clear, consistent boundaries, parents can easily overstep and cause tension. Children often pay the price as they seek to mediate between angry parents. Our Greenville, SC family law attorney offers the following list of coparenting boundaries to consider. Call our office if you need help with a family law issue or if you have questions.
Do Not Pry into the Other Parent’s Romantic Life
After divorce, some men and women become curious about whether their ex has started dating again. Often, the only source of information is the children, who shuttle between households and might have even met the new boyfriend or girlfriend.
You should avoid asking your children for information about a new romantic partner. Do not pry.
Doing so puts your children in a terrible situation. They either need to lie or they might divulge something they shouldn’t have, which could draw the ire of the other parent.
If you’re curious, you can simply visit your ex’s social media profiles. At some point, they will make the new relationship public.
Keep Communication Strictly About the Children
At least initially, you can focus solely on the children. That will help you avoid prying into the details of your ex’s life.
Over time, your needs might change. For example, 10 years after divorce, you both could be settled into new relationships, and you might even become friends again. But this boundary can help set the tone for healthy co-parenting, at least early on.
Avoid Talking Negatively About Your Ex in Front of the Kids
This might be one of the most important co-parenting boundaries. Talking negatively about the other parent in front of your children increases the emotional strain children feel. Your children aren’t responsible for the breakdown in your marriage, and their relationship with the other parent is probably very different than your own.
Pay close attention to what you say. Often, people make negative comments without really knowing it. If you routinely “trash” your ex to family and friends, then you could easily slip up and start trashing them when your children are around.
One way to maintain this boundary is to keep a journal where you write down negative things about your ex. That way, you won’t accidentally say something in front of your children.
Don’t Dig for Information about How Much Your Ex Spends on Your Children
This is another important boundary. Some parents experience anxiety post-divorce, especially when finances are unequal. You might be anxious your ex is spending thousands of dollars for birthday gifts, graduation parties, or for Christmas. You might start digging to find out how much they spent.
Trying to uncover this information can lead to tension and competitive giving. You might suddenly start spending more on your children’s birthday gifts; in fact, you could spend a lot more than is available in your budget. This is a good way to end up in debt.
Religiously Stick to the Drop Off Schedule
Your parenting plan should lay out when the children will be dropped off and where. For example, you might go to McDonald’s or the mall at 9:00 am on Saturday to drop off the kids. Sticking to the parenting plan is the best course of action. It creates predictability, which is good for the children, and also builds trust with your ex.
If, for some reason, you cannot make the drop-off, quickly shoot an email or call your ex to let them know. Open communication goes a long way.
After sufficient time, you and your ex might become more flexible about drop-offs once you’ve built some trust between the two of you. But you should start out by following the schedule. And if you’ve been fighting with your ex, then getting back on track by following the schedule can ease tensions.
Allow Regular Communication Between Your Child and the Other Parent
You should not monitor communications between your child and the other parent. That’s intrusive, so take a step back. Some parents want to set specific times when the other parent can call. That’s not the best approach for anyone involved. Let your child communicate freely.
What About Sex and Drugs?
Coparenting often breaks down when one parent feels that the other is spying on them or trying to micromanage their relationship with the children. That is why creating useful coparenting boundaries often means giving your ex some space.
However, healthy co-parenting is not the same as sticking your head in the sand. You are not obligated to look the other way if you believe your ex is encouraging or promoting dangerous behavior.
Does your ex throw parties for your teen and her friends while supplying the alcohol? You aren’t required to keep your mouth shut. The same is true if your ex invites your son’s girlfriend to go on the family ski trip when they are only 15.
Speaking up when you have legitimate concerns is also part of parenting. Successful coparenting includes keeping your children safe.
If you have concerns about your ex’s behavior, then try to address it in a tactful manner. Don’t immediately assume the worst, but explain why you are concerned. You can find a neutral location to talk these things over: maybe a coffee shop. By being out in public, you both have an incentive to avoid any attention-grabbing fights.
Call Our Office Today
The foundation of successful coparenting is a detailed and solid parenting plan. This type of plan ensures there are no questions on either side. At Elliott Frazier — Family, Personal Injury, & Car Accident Attorneys, LLC, our firm can negotiate and draft an agreement which sets you up for success. Our firm has helped clients in divorce and contested custody cases. We have seen parents work successfully to put their children first, and we encourage our clients to find agreement where appropriate. If you have any questions, contact our office to speak about how to create co-parenting boundaries or any other family law issue.
